


The Wonder of Hidden Dreams

by HeartfeltPastels



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Minor Gender Dysphoria, Sleepovers, Trans Female Character, Transdori Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26648395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartfeltPastels/pseuds/HeartfeltPastels
Summary: People always admire Aya for the dreams she’s trying to fulfill now, but what about the ones she’s already put so much effort into fulfilling that most don’t even realize she ever had?
Relationships: Maruyama Aya/Shirasagi Chisato
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27
Collections: Transdori Week 2020





	The Wonder of Hidden Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Transdori - Day 1 'Coming Out' (Late entry)
> 
> In case the name didn’t give it away, this fic is set around the ‘What a Wonderful World!’ event and makes uses of Aya & Chusato's sisters were who forgotten by the game. Anyways this my first bandori fic I’ve published, I really hope you enjoy it. And I apologize for any errors, I didn’t end up polishing this as much I wanted to.
> 
> I tried to tag all of the warnings I felt were relevant to the fic, so see the tags for content warnings.

After Aya got home from work, She decided to text her girlfriend, Chisato. As Aya had heard from Hina during her shift about how much fun Hina had with Chisato sleeping over at her place. “Hey Chisato-chan, how did your sleepover with Hina go? Did anything happen that I should know about?”

“It went fine Aya-chan, so don’t worry. Nothing important enough happened that my girlfriend would need to know about.”

Aya feels slightly concerned by that response. “Well Did you have fun at least? I just have trouble imagining you having fun with Hina alone, that’s all.”  
  
“It was a little more tiring than relaxing, but I did actually enjoy it. Though you sure are inquiring a lot about this for just concern about me. Aya, are you perhaps a bit jealous?”

Aya groans as she felt like Chisato hit the bullseye on her back, “Maybe…”

“You know you shouldn’t need to hide that sort of feelings from me by now. We’ve been going out for a few months now.”

Aya feels anxious writing her text, but she **knows** that Chisato _is_ right and that she should trust her about things more. “I know, but you said sleepovers at either of our places are too risky since we’re out to our family about liking girls, but we aren’t out to them about our dating yet since you didn’t want them to know yet. Just… I’ve never gotten to experience sleeping over at another girl’s house ever, so I felt really envious that you accepted Hina’s request so easily.”

“True, I did say that. However if my Aya-chan is really that envious and it means that much to her, then maybe I can do something to make it work for her just this once for you if you ask nicely.”

Aya always feels herself getting wound up by that caring yet playful teasing tone in her text and can only reply with “CHISATO-CHAN!” as she screams it.

“Yes, Aya?” 

She collects herself a little before replying this time, “Can I please sleepover at your place this weekend before our first CD release event? Your girlfriend really wants it and could help her feel less worried.” 

“That’s much better. Well, if you want it that badly then ok I’ll make it work for you, but the condition is you need to bring your sister with you. If it’s both of you coming over for it, then we should be able to avoid any issues. And sorry for teasing you like that.”  
  
Aya doesn’t even feel the teasing this time and only jumps with joy at Chisato’s offer. “Thank you so much, I love you Chisato-chan. I’ll check with my sister and my parents!” 

“You’re welcome, I am happy to see you so grateful, I love you too. I’ll check with mine as well. Message me back after you get permission.”

* * *

Aya’s sister readily accepts the offer, excited to get to see more of Chisato and what type of place her house is and to meet her sister. With her sister won over, convincing her parents was thankfully an easy task.

Aya excitedly texts her girlfriend once more, “Chisato-chan, I got the ok from them. What time should we come over?”

“That took you less time than I expected. How about saturday at 11 am or so?”  
  
“That should work, I don’t have any shifts this weekend. I’ll see you then.”

“I look forward to seeing both of you ❤️.”

Aya’s heart beat fast while she laid on her bed after that exchange, sure she had been dating Chisato for a few months now, but was it really alright for her to spend the night with her without telling her parents the truth… without Chisato even knowing the truth about _her_. But on the other hand she felt so excited that she’d finally get to have a sleepover with a girl, and not just any girl, but Chisato of all people! She should be ecstatic that her rigid girlfriend was willing to show such kindness and make an exception for her. 

She decides to watch some of her idol DVDs to calm down some, so she can get through the rest of the week without all of this weighing on her.

* * *

The night before the sleepover Aya, she finishes packing the last of the stuff she wanted to bring, deciding on her very light pink pajamas with the cute faded pink & blue ribbon patterns and bright pink cuffs. 

She finds herself staring into her mirror mulling over the nervousness of only one more week until the fan event. Sure she’s excited to meet her fan up close, but it worries her even more. 

She feels like she has to search herself for any features she needs to cover up to avoid any risks with make-up or clothes for at least the 5th time since the event was announced. This time decides she should wear at least knee length socks and makes herself stop there to sleep.

* * *

As Aya and her sister approach Chisato’s house, Aya’s heart races while her hands swipe back and forth on her phone for any new SMS or message notifications between checking her map to make sure she's got the directions right. Her sister asks “Onee-chan, why are you so nervous, you’ve been to her house before haven’t you?”

Aya couldn’t just say everything that was on her mind right now to her sister even if she had wanted to. “You’re not wrong… Just, I’ve only been here briefly before, not staying for awhile like today, so I am just a bit too nervous and excited for it, ahaha…” she laughs awkwardly hoping her sister doesn’t pry too much.

“Well if you say so, let’s hurry up then!” Aya’s sister grabs her hand and drags her along and Aya can feel she’s not the only one excited about this after all.

They arrive and Aya goes to ring the doorbell, but she hesitates for a moment and her sister beats her to it. The bell rings, and Chisato appears quickly to welcome them inside.

In the living room Aya and Chisato introduce their sisters to each other and Aya’s sister to Leon, who was playing with Chisato’s sister before they arrived.

The two pairs chat lightly for a while over tea that Chisato made for a chance for them to all relax and for the sisters to get to know each other. When their talks end up on the topic of their band’s next event, Chisato doesn’t miss how tense Aya's smile becomes as her shoulders look stiff as rocks. Even when Aya strikes one of the idol poses that Chisato has seen dozens of times, it just feels so unnatural somehow to her this time. And how she had seemed slightly out of it compared to the other three she had been unusually quiet as though her mind was somewhere else. Chisato considers doing something about Aya’s current state, since the last time she recalled Aya being like this was right before Aya confessed to her.

However she doesn’t get a chance as the two sisters start on the topic of how cute Leon is, and ask if they can go play outside with Leon and invite Aya and Chisato as well. Chisato gives them permission to, but declines to join them, saying she’s staying with Aya who seems to need a bit more time to relax and for them to have fun.

“Aya-chan, you’ve been awfully out of it for someone who was so excited to visit me earlier. Is something wrong?”

Aya starts to snap out of it, she looks at Chisato with a puzzled expression, “Huh, sorry I must not have slept enough last night.”

Chisato sighs.

Aya tries to speak again as she collects her thoughts, “Really sorry again Chisato-chan, I just got so drawn into how well you and your sister got along. I was feeling a bit envious…”

Chisato looks at with eyes of concern, “Something feels off to me for Aya to be envious of me twice in one week… especially since you seemed to get along well enough with yours.”

Aya awkwardly looked away from her girlfriend's words and eyes that felt as though they were tearing through her. “We do _now_ , but it just feels like you two have for a long time…”

Chisato looks surprised by Aya’s words. “Yes we have, have you two had trouble getting along before?”

Aya nodded weakly, “Just a few years back before I started my idol trainee days… we were not that different from how Sayo and Hina used to be with that cold distance…” 

Chisato takes one of Aya’s hands and asks, “I have a little bit of trouble believing it was that bad Aya, unless you wanted to tell me the reason?” 

“Actually about that… I’ve wanted to tell you that since we started dating, but I hadn’t been able to find the words or the time to talk with you about it. Will Chisato-chan hear me out now?”

Chisato smiles, “Of course, I will for you Aya-chan.”

Aya looks into Chisato’s beautiful violet eyes, trying to ease off of her nerves before she speaks “As long I’ve _been_ Aya… her and I got along but…”

Chisato gives a perplexed look and feels Aya grip her hand more tightly. “What do you mean by ‘been Aya’ exactly? Like before you were an aspiring idol?”

Aya shakes her head at the comment. “No sorry, it’s just hard to say. I’ve never told any of my friends yet… But before I could dream of aspiring to be an idol, I… had to fulfill my dream that had been hidden away to become Aya… to become _myself_.”

Chisato's expression becomes more serious and she considers what it must mean to dream of being yourself, “I think I am starting to pick up on what you mean a bit… and Aya-chan, no matter what your past is, you have my support as your girlfriend and your bandmate.”

Aya leaps into a hug with Chisato. “Thank you… so much Chisato-chan.” 

Chisato seems slightly concerned, hesitating to fully embrace her girlfriend back, “So if I am understanding right this means there was a point where you weren’t ‘ _Aya_ ’?”

Aya nods and hugs her tighter. “I have recollections of ‘me’ from back then, but I feel so distant from them almost like it was a different person back then, whom my sister couldn’t understand. Until they encountered idols and awoke to that hidden dream of becoming a girl and started to chase it and become Aya gradually.”

Chisato now hugs Aya tight, feeling tenseness in Aya as she hears those words. “I see… It must have been hard for you to not even be a girl from the start, but even that wouldn’t change my support for Aya-chan. Though I am not sure I would have believed it if anyone had told me besides you. Since I have trouble imagining Aya anyway other way, maybe they really were a different person. Fufu.” Chisato giggles to herself with that as she feels her respect for her girlfriend only increases as she learns more about her.

Aya lets the teasing slide relieved to have her support, “Thank you, Chisato for your support, it really means a lot to me... But why aren't you upset that I didn’t tell you sooner? Or feel like I should have told you when I confessed to you or anything like that? That I kept something so important hidden from my bandmates and even my girlfriend… some would even call it deceiving you.”

“Upset? I don’t see why I would feel that way, you haven’t done anything from my view. If anything it’s my fault for not making you comfortable enough and the time for you to open up to me. Honestly I am actually a little relieved to see Aya knows to have some discretion about sharing something like this, I was actually worried you might share too much about yourself or us at our upcoming event to some fans and start rumors.”

Aya backs away from her hug and sulks, “Geez Chisato! I know better than that at least… I think… and thank you.”

Chisato responds softly, “Well, I hope you do, and you’re welcome. So this means your sister was accepting and supporting of you?”

Aya nods, “It took a little bit for my parents to come around ahaha..., but my sister was the most supportive of me, once I told her that I wanted to be her sister, our relationship started to change a bit by bit.”

Chisato smiles, “I am glad that you had one person’s support for you from the start, though since you mentioned this, I don’t think I ever heard how you came out to your parents about liking girls?”

Aya looks flustered, “About that… they eventually asked me if I just liked girls or wanted to be one and without thinking I shouted out ‘BOTH!’ to them… and there was no point trying to hide anything after that.” 

Chisato giggles, “Fufu, my how Aya-chan like, I can see some things haven’t changed then.” Chisato notices their sisters heading back inside, “And it seems our break is over. Let's spend time now with them, shall we?”

Aya nods as they join them.

* * *

The rest of the day passes much easier with much of that burden off of Aya, Chisato notices, her being much more of her usual self as they chat, play games, play with Leon, and help with the cooking with their sisters. Everything goes smoothly for the most part.

After they had dinner, their sisters go watch some movie, Chisato decides against joining since she doesn’t feel like watching herself, so she and Aya head to her room. She lets them know they can ask them to do more stuff together when they’re done if they want. Aya notices how simple yet unmistakably feminine Chisato’s room is, and it felt so confident in her expression of it. Meanwhile Aya always worried her room might come off as overdoing it to others even if she loved the soft pink feminine feeling of her room.

As the two arrive at her room Chisato remarks “Aya-chan, you seem rather tense rather than relieved, is anything still bothering you?”

Aya looks away from Chisato uneasily, “I mean it’s my first time in your room alone, how I am supposed not to feel that way… though that’s not the only reason.”

Aya pauses and looks back to Chisato, “About our upcoming CD release event… I am just really worried about it, because what if someone notices and outs me…, starts rumors on SMS about it, or worse they try to out me to our bandmates behind my back and it turns them against me for not trusting them.” Aya on the verge of tears now, “I just want to be the idol Aya right now, I am… nowhere near ready to have that part of myself known yet.”

Seeing Aya’s distressed state where it looks like she could cry at any moment, Chisato invites her to cuddle on her bed though Aya does cry after receiving her girlfriend’s embrace as she reassures her.

Chisato speaks softly to Aya, “There, there Aya-chan. I am sure that staff will have your back, they’ve always done their best to protect all of Pastel Palettes so far. So try trust in them to handle your safety once more. And Aya, all of our bandmates care too deeply about you to do anything like that over just one secret you understandably kept. Besides I am not out as lesbian to anyone in the band besides you, so we’re the same.” 

Aya whispers back, “Thank you Chisato-chan, I am feeling a little bit better, but is it alright if we stay like that for a little longer?” 

Chisato whispers, “Since I am not used to seeing Aya-chan be this cute and openly needy to me, we can stay like this a bit more, since I am happy she’s opened up to me more.” 

Aya pouts slightly, “I couldn’t help it! My nerves for this type of event and this fear had been really getting at me lately.” Chisato simply nods in return and pats Aya’s head gently.

Not too long after when Aya seems more at ease, Chisato suggests they not be in such a compromising position when their sisters return and Aya agrees, and Aya sits on the seat beside Chisato’s desk while Chisato sits on the edge of her bed.

The rest of the night passes easily as they do simple activities that Aya had always looked forward to being a part of like doing each other’s nails, brushing and styling each other’s hair, and talking about happily about mundane girly stuff, though the two sisters occasionally try to pry just a little into the idol part of the two older one’s lives, but they don’t give away much besides that Aya compares Hina to Chisato’s sister, but notes Hina is another magnitude of it. Chisato shots down their prodding on the love questions harshly with her pointing to their idol status. 

Finally the sisters are getting sleepy and say they’re going to both sleep in Chisato’s sister’s room, Chisato seems slightly surprised by this and asks if they got permission from their parents and says that then did, and they wish them good night.

* * *

Aya finds herself alone with Chisato unexpectedly as she had figured that they’d all be sleeping in the same room. Chisato sensing Aya’s on edge by this, asks, “Aya-chan, are you comfortable with this sleeping arrangement?” 

Aya nods, “I am… it just caught me unprepared.”

Chisato “I understand what you mean, I didn’t foresee our sisters getting along _that_ well either. So Aya-chan, have you been enjoying this as much as you hoped?”

Aya’s expression instantly brightens up as she speaks, “Honestly it’s felt like a dream come true! Thank you Chisato-chan, painting each other’s nails was so fun! Brushing each other’s hair was so relaxing and comfortable. And styling each other’s hair was really interesting, we should style each other’s hair sometime for a different look for some of our performance! I think our fans would love it!”

Chisato smiles and giggles, “Fufu, I am glad that you’ve had such a good time, it was worth the effort to see those expressions from you. Though I don’t know about that last thought, we’ll see about it.” 

Chisato speaks once more “Aya-chan, is it alright if I ask you some questions about you? Since I’ve actually known of people like you in the industry, but I’ve never personally worked with any of them, and I would like to understand you a little better on this”. 

Aya nods, “Of course, I trust you, Chisato-chan, to be sensitive with your questions and not pry too far.”

Chisato asks, “Earlier you said you didn’t realize or understand yourself as wanting to be a girl until you encountered idols, but I was curious about when or how that happened? If you don’t mind answering”

Aya ponders for a few moments, “I think I had the feelings of wanting to be a girl for a long time almost as far back as I can remember, but I didn’t know how to express them to myself much less anyone else, and didn’t understand what they meant either. So it wasn’t until I encountered idols and realized just how much I longed to be like them that I began to be able to put words to my feelings to start to understand and express myself bit by bit. I can’t really remember exactly when it was, but I was able to express it enough to my parents to get into an all girls school for middle school thanks to their help.”

Chisato can’t help but smile and giggle a little at Aya’s answer being so earnest and Aya like. She thanks Aya since that explanation helped her understand her just a little more. She asks Aya if there is anything else she still feels like she’s missing out on in life as a girl besides Sleepovers. Aya struggles to come up with an answer in the moment since the support of her sister helped with a lot of them, but Chisato says the offer is still there if she ever comes up with one since she wants her girlfriend to be happy and Aya thanks her for that.

Chisato asks about if there has been anything she struggled with as a girl or anything that still makes her uncomfortable that she should avoid since she wants to treat her well, Aya asks if they can leave the struggle question for another time since there a lot and she’s not in the mood for it and Chisato accepts. Then Aya says that as for things to avoid she’d never been asked that so thoughtfully, but mostly try to not call her actions ungirly or anything is all for now.

* * *

Finally they get ready for sleep. Aya finds herself surprised when Chisato asks, “Aya-chan do you want to sleep together on my bed since we’re alone?” 

Aya hesitates, “I think I’ll be fine on the futon on the floor.” 

But Chisato knows her better than that, “‘Are you really sure about that Aya-chan? Who knows when we might get another chance like this and I wanted to reward you some for showing so much trust in me today, it would be such a shame if you turned it down.”

After those words Aya groans, but can’t resist and joins her once more on the bed. Aya reluctantly asks, “Chisato-chan, did you mean anything else by the reward? 

Chisato playfully says, “Perhaps and you should close your eyes if you’d like to find out.” 

Aya does as requested, shutting her eyes waiting in the dark, and Chisato kisses her and Aya’s heart skips with joy, it’s the first time they’d kiss in weeks and for some reason it feels like the most enjoyable one she can remember since their first one a few months ago.

After Aya asks “Why kiss me now… I am happy that you did, I mean, just I am not sure why?”

Chisato says, “I want to affirm my love for you, Aya-chan, to show I love you just as much as before, if not more.” Chisato winks at the end of those words.

“Thank you, Chisato-chan” Aya cries slightly from Chisato’s kind words and Chisato cuddles her some.

Aya asks nervously, “Is it really alright for us to stay like this for sleeping? I know it’s a really rare chance…” 

Chisato pats Aya’s head and playfully replies, “Of course it is fufu, I am normally the first one awake in this family, so there is nothing to worry about.” 

Both girls are slightly ecstatic at the chance to sleep like this for once without worrying about being suspicious to the others. Aya feels blissful enough like another dream of hers came true today to melt away most of her remaining worries, while Chisato comforted and protected by Aya’s warmth pressing on to give her a more relaxing feeling than she thought possible as they both happily fall asleep in each other’s arms.

* * *

The next morning Aya awakes to find herself alone in the bed, and hears Chisato say, “Well good morning sleeping beauty. Did you sleep well?” 

Aya yawns, “I feel I slept really well, how long have you been awake Chisato-chan?”

Chisato replies, “Hmm, I think only about half an hour and it seems like our sisters are still asleep since I haven’t heard a sound from their room yet.”

As Aya stretches and gets out of bed, Chisato asks “So Aya-chan, are you feeling more confident about the event now compared to yesterday?” 

Aya hugs her girlfriend once more and says, “I feel a lot better about the event now, especially thanks to your support. It really eases my mind a lot, really thank you so much for everything Chisato-chan.”

Chisato smiles feeling relieved to see Aya back to her more normal self, feeling that even if she can’t dream like Aya does, she wants to do her best to support that part of Aya so it doesn’t get lost. “You don’t need to thank me _that_ much, I am just happy to see you back to your confidence again. Since I always admire that side of you, Aya-chan, it just suits you as an idol the most, fufu. And I'll be glad to be there for you anytime you need something like this again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoyed it. Please support and consider trans girl Aya ^^. 
> 
> I hope I was able to portray her well in the fic as Aya means the world to me, so worried about not doing her justice… and I am still a relatively new writer so any comments are really really appreciated a lot and I plan to do more trans girl Aya writing eventually.
> 
> Lastly special thanks to demonladys (on Ao3 & twitter) for inspiring me to try to write trans girl Aya since she appeared in some of her fics, and Cinnamon18 (Ao3, & @_cinnamon18 on twitter) for her beta reading and feedback for this fic.


End file.
